I flew down to LA Thursday night and got set up in the hotel . . . The Beverly Hilton, that is! Everything was going great until it was time for my shots. It was the night I had to give myself 2 shots but I couldn't do it. To procrastinate I decided to take a shower . . . then dry my hair . . . then paint my nails . . . . then I loaded up the needles and began what turned into a three hour freak out.
I paced around, kept getting in the position, and counting 1-2-3 and when that didn't work, 3-2-1. The movie The Replacements was on TV, then it ended- no shots completed . . . then Jay Leno started . . . and ended. Finally, after hours of me trying to talk positively ("You can do it Kelly"), not so positively ("Don't Be Wimp"), reminders ("You've given birth 3 times, have tattoos, had piercings, you can do this") and using empathy ("These shots are the only thing standing in the way of their family, just do it!")
I did it! Did I mention that during the process I pricked myself a few times, not hard enough to insert the needle but hard enough to bleed . . . I think Law and Order and CSI call them "Hesitation Marks". Of course the shots didn't hurt, I just blocked myself mentally . . . it's amazing how we can psych ourselves out over our fears. Kind of like the first night Rick had to give me the shot. The funny thing is I knew this, I kept telling myself this, but it still took a little over three hours!
I was finally able to go to sleep and dream wonderful dreams of helping create a family for my friends, yeah.
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