Saturday, August 7, 2010

A little bit of a Vent . . .

Okay, so now that I'm calmed down I thought I'd share something from my comments section. I received a Comment that came in under my Gary and Tony have a Baby Post. I will copy and paste it here, along with my response and then discuss it . . .

Anonymous said...
If Your not attached to them then why not let them be a family without you? (Does the doctor from your own children births still hang around in your family pictures?)
And why all the pictures anyway? Are you going to be an AUNT to them???
Seems funny to me!!!
8/3/10 10:51 PM


To which I replied in the Comments Section:

Kelly's Uterus said...
Anonymous- If it seems funny to you I'm assuming you haven't followed our journey from the beginning and just stumbled upon this or a few posts.

When I gave birth to their girls, I was invited to their future wedding . . . I get emails and phone calls from George and Sanj and get invited over often. And yes, actually (smart ass) I am going to be an Aunt- at least that is what George and Sanj would like. If George and Sanj wanted to be a family without me, I would think they would sever contact. I was told in our match meeting that they wanted a relationship that went past the birth and things haven't changed.

Why so many pictures? Well, because I have lots of followers who would love to see how the girls are growing and have been with our journey since March of 2008.

Oh, and for the record Dr. Task and Dr. Knight don't hang around in my family pictures because they were my doctor and nothing more . . . I saw them once a month for 10 minutes . . . they did not become friends and they certainly didn't put their life in danger to help me create a family. I hope this answers your questions
8/3/10 11:12 PM


Now I was a little mad when I read this although it was very obvious to me that they are not a regular follower or didn't take the time to read the last 2 years of posts because if he/she had, they would see that the relationship I have with George and Sanj is a bit different than some other surros have with their Intended Parents. I sent George and Sanj a copy of the comment and my reply and they also thought it was ridiculous. I also reminded them that if/when it ever comes up that they need me to not be around as much, to let me know and I will gladly follow their wishes . . . to which they joked that they would, " . . . sooner tire of each first, silly! . . ." LOL

George even sent me an email about how he would've responded if he was me (the surrogate):

"Dear Anonymous, thanks for your comment and your interest in my writing. Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) is bringing so many wonderful things to so many people who otherwise wouldn't be able to have families. I am honoured to play my part in all of this.

Different surrogates are motivated in different ways, and as you can tell from my articles, I want to help the world. I had no idea that my first time as a surrogate would not only fulfill that dream, but also introduce me to a couple of people that I wanted as friends. And I can say on behalf of Sanj & George they feel the same way.

The whole process could have been at arms-length, more of a transaction. Instead, I have more people in my life that I care about, and they do too. Our families have become close. I don't want to imply that this happens to all surrogates and to all intended parents. It may be the exception. But no matter how you meet new people and are drawn to them as friends and family, it is a blessing."


And it's comments like this from George and Sanj that tell me that the relationship our "extended" family has is exactly how we want it to be. If Anonymous wants to think it "seems funny" or thinks I should "leave them alone to be a family" he/she obviously hasn't had a powerful relationship like ours and that saddens me.

14 comments:

Amber R. said...

FURIOUS!!

Who on Earth is this person to say anything about it? Are they George? Sanj? The girls? Related to them? I am pretty sure NOT!

They have made the decision to have you as part of their family (I am assuming) because they are not only appreciative but also found something special in you that they wanted to have around them and their family. Sure, maybe they might not have felt the same connection with another surrogate and you not with another set of IP's but you all did and that is an AMAZING thing.

You are not stalking them at their home, daycare, place of business and the pics of the girls are clearly not taken from a distance with a zoom lense, so obviously this is an open, warm, and amazing relationship that BOTH of your families have. I say this because unlike this person I HAVE read your blogs, checked out your pics, ect. and know that you ALL have gotten together.

That is my rant.

Heidi said...

Yeah...what she said!

For the record as a loyal follower, it puts a smile on my face to see all the "goodness" that has resulted in this match. I love to see and know genuinely happy people that truly care about each other, I guess not everyone does! Keep up the good work Kelly...

Mommy with Many Gifts said...

You tell them, Kelly!!! I guess it does take a certain kind of person with a kind heart to really understand this whole process. From my experience (and I haven't even had the babies yet), there are some people out there that just don't get it and no matter how much you can explain your situation or share the details with them, they will always have their little opinion about some piece of the puzzle.

I think it is the most wonderful thing that you stay in touch with your IP's, and I hope to have the same relationship with mine. Yes, you are part of that family, but in no way are you trying to step in to an unwanted position.

Just let people have their opinions... you know you are doing an AMAZING thing!!!

Anonymous said...

I don't think you should get so upset just because everyone that reads your blog doesn't agree with you. There are plenty of people that don't agree with it, and just don't write a comment.

Kelly's Uterus said...

@Anonymous

First of all, I don't get it when people post things anonymously. When I'm online posting, positive or negative, I always use my name or login.

Second, I wasn't upset they didn't agree with me. I was upset that they obviously didn't know what they were talking out . . . making comments on something they obviously know very little about- my personal relationship with my IPs.

I think if people feel the need to post things, they should do it with their real names, not hide their opinions behind an Anonymous handle.

Jody Villapania said...

Dear Anonymous here's an idea, Get a life! If you don't agree then stop reading her blog, Stocker!

BTW Kelly, having the honor of watching you hand those precious girls to their daddys' as we were leaving the hospital, their is no way any decent human being could not have an extra special bond! Give me a break!

luvmy4munchkins said...

Awww, Kel.. it takes all kinds, I guess. Unfortunately. You're a rock star and some people can't handle it. Don't let their crap bring you down. Love you!

Anonymous said...

Kelly,I'm not trying to pick a fight, and I don't know how to leave a name (I don't have a google account), it's Melissa B. - I just was trying to say that sometimes you just need to not let things get you so upset, it's not worth it because two people sometimes can never agree on something. I respect your opinion, just like you should mine, and that's it. If you don't want to be my friend because I dont agree completely with you, that's not what I intended, sometimes you just have to agree to disagree, and not get so upset about it.

Tori said...

Hi Melissa,
You are certainly within your right to criticize, either anonymously or otherwise.
I do hope you've taken the time to read the entire story of Kelly and the family which she (truly) put her own life on the line to help create. I do think if you read the entirety of her blog, you'll see that she is in no way forcing herself on George and Sanj. They've forged a special bond that the rest of us can only imagine. It will always be unique to them--not every surrogate/IP relationship is this way.
However, this is a public forum. There are some people out there who will not agree with their relationship, and far more who (sadly) might not even agree that George and Sangi should have children in the first place. I know it is Kelly's hope that by being public with their story, more people will see that there are many ways to become a family and that there are many kinds of families--some of which might even include Aunty Surrogates! :)
Tori

Anonymous said...

My point was just that sometimes you have to agree to disagree and realize that you will never agree on something, and not get upset when you get comments that are not supportive. I think Kelly knows my view on this, and I read her blog because she's a friend - I'm not going to try to tell her or anyone else how to live their life or judge them. Just wanted others to realize that some people who read the blog are not in complete agreement, I can't be the only one.

Melissa B.

Anonymous said...

I just realized that you all might think I'm the one that left the original "anonymous" comment that Kelly was referring to. That one wasn't me, I was just commenting on that one. :)
melissa B.

Kelly's Uterus said...

I may be wrong, but I was under the assumption that the very first "anonymous" that triggered my blog break down was in fact a different anonymous . . . which is one of the reasons I talked about posting as yourself . . . that way not all anonymous posts are identified together.

Now I could be wrong . . . I just felt like the first anon. person didn't know me at all but could tell the second one did . . . again, I could've been wrong.

Sherry said...

"A mass of men equals a mass of
opinions." Latin Proverb

Anonymous said...

As much as we hate to admit it, so many people on this planet will just never "get" surrogacy. They think we do it for a myriad of reasons, none of which are remotely close to the truth. I have learned to accept their criticism and walk away, smiling secretly to myself because I know the relationship that I have with my IFs and I know the relationship I have now and will always have with the four (soon to be five) surrogate babies I helped bring into this world.

susanb573 (sorry...dont' have a google ID either)