Thursday, June 24, 2010

Gary and Tony Have a Baby

No, I'm not revealing who my new IPs are (that always happens after the birth). . . I just wanted to write a little post on the program I watched on CNN tonight:
Gary and Tony Have a Baby

I was quite impressed with the piece and I'm hoping that a lot of people who have been interested in learning more on Gay Parenting and Surrogacy watched it too. Of course I put the link and description on my Facebook Page, so others that were unaware about the program could watch/record it if they were interested. I actually got the link from my Dad, who also posted it on Facebook, with the comment, "If you're still against allowing loving, intelligent, successful gay couples to parent, then you either have never seen the unspeakable child abuse that heterosexual couples regularly do or you are beyond narrow minded & possibly a full blown bigot." God, I love my dad!

Anyway, I don't have the time to critique the whole piece but I did want to touch on a few parts that bothered me . . .

* Soledad O'Brien asked them at some point why not just adopt . . . like adoption is something that is easy and readily available to gay parents. Not only that, but why are gay men always asked this but never once in my own three pregnancies, did anyone ever ask me why we wanted our own kids vs adoption?

* My biggest issue is always about Positive PR on Surrogacy. Even though, it wasn't overtly negative, like most TV programs on Surrogacy, I still wasn't 100% satisfied. I guess I won't ever be unless it's about me or some of my close surrogate friends who had a similar journey as me. The part that got me the most is when the surrogate discussed how she did have thoughts of keeping the baby and how she thought of him on a daily basis still. Now I know this was her feelings but there are plenty of surrogates out there that don't have those feelings, including me.

To Clarify- NEVER, EVER, NEVER did I think about keeping Natasha and Anjali. They weren't mine. I have three of my own. I don't want anymore kids hence the vasectomy (sorry to out you honey). And I do not think of them on a daily basis. When I go visit George, Sanj and the girls it's more to see how the girls are growing up and spend hours with GEORGE & SANJ. That is who I have a bond with, not the girls, really. It makes me want to email my new IPs and let them know, if they saw the show, they won't have to worry about that at all with me. I don't want to sound cold but I'm helping make a family, not tear one apart!

Of course there was the quick statement of the surrogate getting $30,000. She must be with a very generous agency because, with Growing Generations, you wouldn't receive that much for your participation in a single baby pregnancy until your third surrogacy journey and that was her first time. I remember seeing agencys that paid more but for me, I wanted to work with an agency in California that dealt with gay families, regardless with what they paid.

Another issue I had was that the surrogate only shared the fact that the parents were gay with some family members. She had some family who didn't agree. Well, neither do my Grandparents but I see it as a teachable moment (the teacher in me). None of my family were surprised by my desire to help two men create a family. Why? Because they know me and my passions, which include fighting for equality.

Oh and by the way- I didn't delete the program because I thought it would be great for my kids to see too. I love how CNN has a Parent and Teacher Discussion Guide available. This is great for those that want to share it with their kids or students and talk openly about it. Perhaps I'll show it in my class next semester.


Mama K said...

Aw, I missed it! I need to watch this. Thanks for the reminder!

Kelly's dad said...

In all fairness I have to say that my FB post was almost verbatim what Janice (my wife who works in the courts system) said to me the other day. I recorded the show so we could watch it together later Sunday.

I imagine many people have the "why not adopt" even though they may not voice it. Please excuse the analogies but it's a similar position taken by people that recycle and those that rescue puppies and kittens vs. buying one from a breeder. There are many horror stories in Child Protective Services and the couples, both gay and straight, that accept the responsibilities and challenges that inherently come with adopting those children deserve praise but the privacy concerns prevent the rest of us from hearing the tragedies of child abuse and the miracles of adoption. Steve

Heather H said...

I am new with Growing Generations. I just met the IPs a few weeks ago and we are waiting for the legal stuff to get processed. I am so happy to have come across your blog and I look forward to reading more. =)

Anonymous said...

also gay couples cannot adopt in some states. they are banned from doing so. deciding to adopt vs surrogacy is a personal decision that a couple makes that does not need to be justified. i totally agree with your critique. thank you for believing in equality!

Wilma said...

Hi! What I watched of the special was awesome, but I was having trouble figuring out exactly what the order is or if it's even possible to watch the special in its entirety online?; am I missing something?


Priscilla said...

ah ha. i had to tivo it and sat down last night and watched it. i enjoyed the piece but found it odd that the surrogate was so attached to the baby. you are the only person i know who has done this and perhaps that is why i thought all surrogates were like you. i got the feeling that their surrogate (though she may have meant well) only did this for the money or at least that was how she was portrayed. maybe the screening she went through wasn't as tough as other agencies require. it did slightly bother me that she feared for the child's safety because of parent's activist ties with the gay community. i typically don’t say much when it comes to people wanting to have children and that is because of my personal feelings about the subject but there are some people who truly want children and who deserved them and kudos to you and women like you for being a huge part of the process. there are so many holidays out there we should have a day dedicated to surrogates :)

Anonymous said...

If Your not attached to them then why not let them be a family without you? (Does the doctor from your own children births still hang around in your family pictures?)
And why all the pictures anyway? Are you going to be an AUNT to them???
Seems funny to me!!!

Kelly's Uterus said...

Anonymous- If it seems funny to you I'm assuming you haven't followed our journey from the beginning and just stumbled upon this or a few posts.

When I gave birth to their girls, I was invited to their future wedding . . . I get emails and phone calls from George and Sanj and get invited over often. And yes, actually (smart ass) I am going to be an Aunt- at least that is what George and Sanj would like. If George and Sanj wanted to be a family without me, I would think they would sever contact. I was told in our match meeting that they wanted a relationship that went past the birth and things haven't changed.

Why so many pictures? Well, because I have lots of followers who would love to see how the girls are growing and have been with our journey since March of 2008.

Oh, and for the record Dr. Task and Dr. Knight don't hang around in my family pictures because they were my doctor and nothing more . . . I saw them once a month for 10 minutes . . . they did not become friends and they certainly didn't put their life in danger to help me create a family.

I hope this answers your questions