Thursday, November 6, 2008

Shaved Legs and Memory Lane #1

As of tomorrow, we have reached our goal of making it to 35 weeks with twins. So, pretty much any day/week now we can deliver. With delivery being, well, whenever, I've decided to try to do a few more things to get ready for the big day. One of these things was shaving my legs. It is no easy task to shave your legs when the largest part of your midsection has grown to about 52"! Yeah, you read right . . . that makes me about 12 inches taller than around-YIKES. But I still have gotten no where near where I thought I'd be!

I've been getting a lot of people asking about how I think the delivery will go and we keep discussing my last 3 birth experiences. I thought, in order to prepare you for this birth and the marvelous write-up of that will no doubt follow when I return from the hospital, I'd get you warmed up on my past experiences. So here you go-

Memory Lane # 1 (Not quite short, but definitely shorter than I usually tell it)!

Ruby was due November 22nd so it was quite the surprise when my water broke 4 weeks early. They always tell you that most first pregnancy's go up until, if not past the due date. That night was like any other. Rick and I ate some spaghetti and hung around the house. At one point I had him feel my abdomen, "Wow, that's really hard" he said. "I know", completely oblivious. I watched about an hour or so of Maternity Ward (which is the worse show to watch when you are pregnant) and made the decision I would definitely be using an epidural during the birth. I didn't need to be a super hero and after watching this women scream for 30 minutes, then be as calm as a cucumber after she received her epidural, I was sold.

Anyway, so I go to sleep and at 1:40 am I wake up and look at my clock. Right then my water breaks. "No", I said as I got up. "No way", I told myself as I paced around the room with more fluid making its exit. I was freaking out. I still had one more day of work before my maternity leave and Ricky and I had put up the crib, but that was about it because we thought we'd have 3-4 weeks of maternity leave to get things settled before little Ruby Q made her entrance. So, I wake up Rick and let him know. We call the hospital and they tell us to come in. We get out the list of what to bring to the hospital and start throwing things in a bag. I run upstairs, call in for my substitute teacher (I was teaching high school at the time) and created and faxed over my sub plans.

We go to get into my Tribute but our roommate is parked behind me. We grab the baby seat and toss it into Ricky's car. It's on Empty. We drive to the nearest gas station (it's about 2:15 am now) and go to fill up. He left his wallet at home. I break out my card and pay while adding some snacks, a banana and suckers the list tells me to bring to the hospital and we're off . . . well, first we go back home and get Rick's wallet. Now, we're off! It takes us about 45 minutes to get to the hospital (it's across the Bay) and we arrive and get settled into our room. They give me pitocin, to help along contractions since my water broke and you're supposed to deliver within 24 hours of water breaking to prevent infection. The nurse asks me if I plan on using drugs. I tell her, "Yes, but I want to see how far I can make it without" . . . . famous last words!

Well, we find out the pitocin works really well for me, because fast foward a few hours and I'm doubled over in pain, asking for my epidural and told that I was now 10 cm and couldn't get it. "Excuse me?", I say, "My aunt is an anesthesiologist and I know for a fact that I can get it any time I want, it just makes it more difficult for you" . . . SILENCE FALLS IN THE DELIVERY ROOM . . . Ricky swears he sees a tumbleweed roll across the floor as the western duel music plays in his head. The nurse, who I now will call Nurse Ratched, tells me that by the time the anesthesiologist gets here, that I will have already had the baby.

I'M PISSED (to say the least). Once I become very aware that I will not get any drugs and this will not be going as smoothly as I hoped I kicked everyone but Rick out of the delivery room. I figured my mother in law and sister in law do not need to see me this way. After all, I could very well say something that will haunt me for years to come. My nurse, who is not feeling my pain and has no sympathy (just a horrible attitude) has become enemy #1. Now, for those of you who don't know (sorry to be the one to tell you but) sometimes when women are giving birth, they will also poop. I have now decided that my new goal for this delivery (besides delivering a healthy girl) is to crap as much as possible because it is Nurse Ratched's job to wipe it off the table. GAME ON!

So I'm contracting, pushing, screaming, cussing, and all along smiling knowing I'm doing a great job on the feces front. I ask Rick, "Am I pooping?" He confirms, I smile and say "good". (Now, some of you may be mortified reading this now. All I can say is it's a good thing you haven't taken the college class I teach because I tell this story and act it out!)

At 8:05 am on Tuesday October 30, 2001 Ruby Quinn makes her entrance weighing in at 6 lbs 10 oz. Nurse Ratched says, "See you didn't need drugs" . . . it is 7 years later and I still hate her.


Jenn said...

ROFLMBO! Thank you for a great laugh, first babies are the best aren't they?

Stacie said...

Great story! I loved that you embraced the pooping and used it for good. I made the nurse find air freshener.

I, too, attempted to shave yesterday. It's become significantly more difficult since last time. I had the bright idea of taking the family swimming before I realized that would mean some grooming was in order. Thank goodness for hand mirrors.

Andrea and Brian said...

Hi, Kelly: I'm one of your Psych colleagues and have been enjoying your blog tremendously. I loooooove the description of your first delivery, especially in light of my current condition: I'm pregnant (4 1/2 months) and keep thinking about delivery... Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I have time! ;-) THANK YOU for the great laughs. :-)