This is My Belly, I am no longer ashamed.

I have been wanting to do a post like this for a long time. However, I always thought I'd wait until after I was done having babies and also had my "After" tummy tuck picture to do it. And I thought I'd write it, not here, but a site I have come to love called The Shape of a Mother. I am not sure what has given me the courage to do this now, of all times, but it's time.

Is it the fear of being newly single after 13 years with the same person?

Is it my Surrogate Group's openness?

Is it the thought that some other woman will see my picture and see herself in a new light? See that she is still beautiful?

All the above?


You see, one of my Surrogate Groups started posting pictures of their bodies and bellies. There are only about 35 of us on this particular group and each one is all sorts of Awesome. We trust each other immensely, enough so that even though we sometimes don't feel so great about the bodies that we've been left with after our own babies and our Surro-babies, we still feel safe enough to post up pictures. Some of them are tiny, some of us are not . . . but I've found that we're all beautiful. I decided that I was going to do it too and GOD, was it freeing. To be able to show off what I try so hard to hide . . . to say, "Fuck it! This is me. This is all of me."

Now maybe after I publish this I will feel weird knowing that people out there will have seen what I've been hiding since I started having kids back in 2000 . . . but this body has nourished and grown 7 babies, 8 if we count the one I'm currently pregnant with. This body has breastfeed all of them, from a few days to over a year (depending). This body has completed my own family and has brought joy to two others, three (after July). This body has been good to me and others. This body has brought about so much joy and love. This body has been thin, tan, white, pregnant, stretched out, heavy . . . you name it. This body has seen things that some others have only dreamed about.

This body is mine. I will no longer be ashamed of the way it looks because it has been phenomenal to me and those I hold so dear. It is who I am. And in the future, if I ever get the tummy tuck, or lose more weight, whatever, it will still be mine and I will love it just the same.

Like I put on my Facebook/Twitter today after doing this, "I am Smart. I am Funny. I am Beautiful inside and out. I am a Great Mom. I am a loyal companion . . . and I need to say this aloud everyday to remind myself. My life has changed but "Kelly" will emerge . . . because I am also strong."

I decided to not take a different picture because I was sure I would've tried to get a better angle or change it to try to make it better, perhaps show more of "the girls" since they're pretty great (even more so when in a bra LOL) instead I'm posting the picture that I took when I ran into the back room at work, pulled up my top and clicked. A quick "This is my belly" picture to join the "photo movement" the women I love so much were courageous enough to do themselves.

Single Surrogate?

Well, I have some bad news to report. No, not that, the baby is doing great. I have some "personal" bad news to share . . . .

Last week, we took our kids to Disneyland. It was supposed to be a magical trip leading into the Holiday Season. Well, on our drive, I was talking with my husband about why he was acting so strange. Well to make a long story short, he wants to leave our marriage. He does not want to work on the issues he has within our marriage, he is moving out.

First of all, I have to tell you that I was totally blindsided. I did not see this coming. I honestly thought we'd be married forever. I can count on one hand the amount of fights we've had in the last thirteen years together. Again, I was totally shocked.

Now- not to air my dirty laundry out there for all to read, but I thought that this was a MAJOR event within this Surrogacy, so I figured I would be honest and share. I don't know what will happen in the end (with my marriage) but I can tell you that this Surrogacy will end with a healthy baby boy being born to two amazing dads this summer. I told my IPs what happened when I saw them last week for the ultrasound and they did look worried. Who can blame them. Rick and I look so great on paper . . in our profile you see a monogamous couple that has been together for 13 years and married for 11, with three beautiful kids and two successful surrogacies under our belt. If they wanted a single mother of three children as their surrogate, they would've picked her. Unfortunately, that's what they have now and I feel awful for them. I have tried to let them know that regardless of what is happening in my personal life, I am still 100% on board for this journey.

Rick and I haven't come up with a final plan but a few things are for sure (because of the Surrogacy). We signed a contract, so we are sticking too it . . .

1. We are supposed to be monogamous . . . this means that I won't be having any sex for the next several months and if for some reason Rick decides to come back and work on our marriage (and I decide this is what I want too still) he will need to get re-screened.

2. I have daily injections that I can't do myself (psychologically and also can't reach around my boob to hit my hip) for the next few weeks and he will be stopping by to do them nightly for me.

3. No matter what we decide, we will not get divorced until after the baby is born as it could mess up legal paperwork and I need to keep my insurance the same.

4. He has stated that he'll try to not stress me out so much regarding all this, easier said than done when you spring a "separation" on someone.


Yes- this whole situation sucks. It was awful timing . . . Christmas, I'm Pregnant, etc. but I can tell you one thing for sure. Rick leaving has nothing to do with the Surrogacy (lots of people are thinking that) . . . we both agreed to do this again. I'm not sure if he's going through a mid-life crisis or what but my goal for the next year is to keep myself, my three kids and one embryo/fetus as happy and healthy as possible.

Oh and on a side note, guess I won't be getting that tummy tuck after all. Damn it!

One Little Bean!

My IPs flew in today for the first ultrasound. One little embryo snuggled in for the journey! They measured the embryo, the sac and yolk. We were able to see a heart beat and even get a heart rate for them. Everyone was very excited. Later we had dinner before I drove back home.

Tomorrow, they'll be driving up to see where I live and meet my kids. They'll also get to meet my mom. Actually, my mom has been able to meet each of my IPs, although usually it's at the birth, so I'm excited she'll be able to meet my new guys too.

Sorry I don't have a picture . . . since the guys were there they got them and I forgot to take a picture. I'll see if they'll send me a picture of the photo so I can share. If not, you'll see one in 2 more weeks.

It was weird to see only one baby on the ultrasound since the last two times were twins . . . but don't get me wrong, I'm going to love only carrying one this time, after two sets of twins, it should be cake ;)

It Is Confirmed!

This morning I drove an hour and fifteen minutes for a blood test that took 5 minutes, turned around and drove and hour and a half back. It sucks that there's not a closer place to do my monitoring. Especially since I have to go back again in two days. I swear, my RE this time is killing me with all the blood drawls and ultrasounds, etc. There are a few places that are closer for blood but they don't have same day results- BOO!

Anyway, enough of the bitching, it's all for a good reason . . . .


I got a call from HRC several hours later that my Beta was 273. Now before you start thinking twins, since both of my last Beta's were in the mid to high 200s and they were twins . . . this time my Beta was 12 days past my transfer, not 10 days. Since this time is 2 days longer, I feel pretty safe we have one baby in there! Woot! Woot! Won't have an ultrasound until around Christmas but I feel very confident.

So far my uterus (magic fountain) has played nice . . .

You want 2 girls . . . WISH GRANTED!
You want a set of boy/girl twins . . . WISH GRANTED!
You want one boy . . . (so far so good) . . . .

Happy Third Birthday Sweet Girls!

Last weekend while in the Bay Area to celebrate Thanksgiving (a day late) we also were able to swing by to celebrate Natasha and Anjali's third birthday.

Here are some fun pictures from our day with my first Surrogate family.

When we first got there of course the kids (and George and Rick) surrounded the PS3


Here's Ruby holding Natasha


Here are the girls Birthday Cakes. Natasha chose a pink pig and Anjali chose a blue fish


Time to blow out the candles

Here's Natasha


and next was Anjali


We had a great time and before we left, we made sure to take a picture. Not sure why George sat so far away LOL


Our visit was way too quick, as we had to get back and we knew holiday weekend traffic might be horrific.

It's Pee Time!

Last week I had my transfer. So here I sit at 6dp5dt, six days past a five day transfer, and I got the go ahead from my IFs to do an at home pregnancy test. Now before we proceed, I'd like to revisit a conversation that took place in the transfer room. Now, I'm going to summarize, instead of quoting here . . .


Dr. K- Your uterus looks perfect.

Kelly- Thanks!

* Kelly's Uterus (blushes) *

Dr. K- We're only putting in one embryo. It is slow growing.

Kelly's Uterus- CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!


I have to admit that I was a little worried. Even though my IFs only want one child at a time and my OB and I would both prefer that I only carry one baby this time, it was a little scary that they were only putting in one . . . and then to tell me in so many words that it wasn't an "excellent" embryo. But I then told myself . . . we (my uterus and I) could do this. We had to.

So after the transfer I tried to put our conversation behind me and think good thoughts. I took my own advice, positive uterine talk, "I am a magic fountain."

For the next day I tried to be as lazy as possible, taking my bed rest very seriously. I started to notice that perhaps this would be a lucky trip when I started noticing my numbers around. Let me explain. I have a few lucky numbers that I always use when I play roulette and I saw them in a few different places during my trip to LA.

29-3-11-33-22

First, my room


Then a painting in my room (that's a 3 on the horse if you can't see it)


After I took a shower I noticed a sticker on my towel



And then I go to my transfer


I never saw 22 or maybe I did before I realized I was seeing my lucky numbers. Now I know it seems silly, but in a situation like this, I'll take all the luck I can get! I don't typically see my numbers all around so I thought all this is pretty cool. I know that all of a sudden this has turned into a longer post than you wanted . . . so back to the beginning.

I'm at 6dp5dt. I've had "tingly boobs" for the last few days, which is usually my clue that I'm pregnant. So I thought it would be a good time to start testing yesterday. So yesterday morning- negative. I was surprised because I have "tingly boobs". So I tried again around dinner time. Negative. I was dumbfounded. Then I reminded myself, they only put in one. I got a faint positive last time at 4dp5dt, but that was with twins. So right before I went to bed I peed again and I thought I saw a very faint positive, VERY FAINT. It would be a negative to a normal woman but we Surrogates have amazing vision when it comes to analyzing pregnancy tests.

This morning I decided to get out my less confusing digital test and here's what I got


And in case someone can't interpret the words YES, here's a different one for you


Next is my Beta Test on December 6th. That will be a confirmation of the positive test and that things are still going in the right direction. I'm just hoping that the "one slow growing embryo" doesn't split. Remember, an embryo splitting isn't a new thing for me.


For now- a big Congratulations to the Intended Parents and maybe a "Good Job" for my uterus. That makes me Three for Three on positive transfers and this one really needed to be timed right. Now, if I get the job I'm applying for, my delivery will be during the few months I'm not teaching- PERFECT!! As my fellow surro said, "Only you and your fanfucking AWESOME uterus can turn, "lesser quality" eggs into babIES! yes I said babIES!!" All I have to say to that is Baby Angele, BABY. ;)

Transfer Time!

Sorry it's taken me a few days, but I've been busy with family since I returned from my embryo transfer.

So to make a long story short . . .

Monday 11/21- flew to LA after work. Met up with other Surros Misti and Stacie for dinner



Tuesday 11/22- Arrived at HRC Fertility and was told I would transfer on Thanksgiving day instead because embryos were looking good . . . 5 day transfer (instead of 3 day).

Skyped with my IPs (who couldn't be there with me).

Hung out with Stacie all day, including lunch with other Surrogate friends Andrea and Laura


Stacie and I tried to crash Growing Generations Offices' but we were too late, they had all left for the day. BOO!

Went to The Grove and found the perfect shade of red lipstick (that has been a goal for several years).


Wednesday 11/23- Hung out with Stacie in the morning. She gave me my shot (took several tries) before she flew back home.

That night, played with my new red lipstick


Thursday 11/24- Headed over to HRC early in the morning. Transferred one nice looking (but "slow growing") embryo into my welcoming uterus.


Here I am in the reflection of the window (can see the ultrasound machine, weanie wand and me half naked)


The Embryo!


The Embryo nestled into my lovely uterus (the white streak on the left)



I then went back to the hotel where I settled in for a full day of bedrest (more like "lazy time"). I spent my time grading Quizzes, Latex Projects and watching a marathon of The Twilight Zone and Friends Thanksgiving episodes. I was also able to Skype again with my IPs.

I also got this Good Luck Video from Natasha



Friday 11/25- Flew into the bay area to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family and hang out until Sunday, when we go to George and Sanj's to celebrate my Surrogirlies THIRD birthday!


****My Beta (blood test to determine pregnancy) happens on December 6th. Even though Dr. Kolb told me the embryo wasn't growing as fast as he'd like he assured me that the chances of a successful transfer are still good. I was a little nervous about his "slow growing" statements and of course only implanting one is an "all or nothing" scenario but I am staying positive.

It is now Sunday (very early) morning and I am having a few "boob issues". They have been a little tingly (usually my sign that I'm pregnant) and really heavy. We shall see . . .