Monday, December 26, 2011

Single Surrogate?

Well, I have some bad news to report. No, not that, the baby is doing great. I have some "personal" bad news to share . . . .

Last week, we took our kids to Disneyland. It was supposed to be a magical trip leading into the Holiday Season. Well, on our drive, I was talking with my husband about why he was acting so strange. Well to make a long story short, he wants to leave our marriage. He does not want to work on the issues he has within our marriage, he is moving out.

First of all, I have to tell you that I was totally blindsided. I did not see this coming. I honestly thought we'd be married forever. I can count on one hand the amount of fights we've had in the last thirteen years together. Again, I was totally shocked.

Now- not to air my dirty laundry out there for all to read, but I thought that this was a MAJOR event within this Surrogacy, so I figured I would be honest and share. I don't know what will happen in the end (with my marriage) but I can tell you that this Surrogacy will end with a healthy baby boy being born to two amazing dads this summer. I told my IPs what happened when I saw them last week for the ultrasound and they did look worried. Who can blame them. Rick and I look so great on paper . . in our profile you see a monogamous couple that has been together for 13 years and married for 11, with three beautiful kids and two successful surrogacies under our belt. If they wanted a single mother of three children as their surrogate, they would've picked her. Unfortunately, that's what they have now and I feel awful for them. I have tried to let them know that regardless of what is happening in my personal life, I am still 100% on board for this journey.

Rick and I haven't come up with a final plan but a few things are for sure (because of the Surrogacy). We signed a contract, so we are sticking too it . . .

1. We are supposed to be monogamous . . . this means that I won't be having any sex for the next several months and if for some reason Rick decides to come back and work on our marriage (and I decide this is what I want too still) he will need to get re-screened.

2. I have daily injections that I can't do myself (psychologically and also can't reach around my boob to hit my hip) for the next few weeks and he will be stopping by to do them nightly for me.

3. No matter what we decide, we will not get divorced until after the baby is born as it could mess up legal paperwork and I need to keep my insurance the same.

4. He has stated that he'll try to not stress me out so much regarding all this, easier said than done when you spring a "separation" on someone.


Yes- this whole situation sucks. It was awful timing . . . Christmas, I'm Pregnant, etc. but I can tell you one thing for sure. Rick leaving has nothing to do with the Surrogacy (lots of people are thinking that) . . . we both agreed to do this again. I'm not sure if he's going through a mid-life crisis or what but my goal for the next year is to keep myself, my three kids and one embryo/fetus as happy and healthy as possible.

Oh and on a side note, guess I won't be getting that tummy tuck after all. Damn it!

31 comments:

jword said...

I am very sorry for you and your family. This is a very hard time to get that kind of surprise and I hope you can keep your upbeat attitude as much as possible. If you ever need to get away know that there is a surro in Reno who is rooting for you!

Jaime

Jeff and Kevin said...

Sorry you're having to deal with this. I'm sure you don't want pity - but it sucks. You are a strong woman. Best wishes for you into 2012.
K

Jeni said...

Kelly,

First of all, I am very sorry. Sorry to hear the news, sorry to hear that you were blind sided. That just sucks.

I also want to tell you (and I know that you must know this) that you are an incredibly strong woman and you will be just fine. I can hear in your words that you are a no-nonsense, commited, priorites straight woman. I love that!

Do know that you have a whole mess of people who are here for you for whatever you may need. Me personally? I am available for support, understanding and I am a great listener when it comes to needing to have a good ol' bitch and complain session, so if you need one of those...I'm your girl! LOL :-)

Hang tough, girl! Don't be afraid to reach out for help...that's what we're here for! Take care! <3

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry Kelly... I've been divorced once. It sucks. Hugs

Madgew said...

As you know, I am 100% supportive of anything you decide. You are a strong woman, mother and friend. I have complete faith in you and know you will be absolutely fine and so will your kids. Don't give up on the tummy tuck. We can start a Kickstarter campaign when you are ready and we will raise the money for you (Or you can keep some of your surrogacy money for it. Don't give up doing something for yourself.

Susan said...

Wow. That is a complete shocker. I pray that you can somehow maintain some semblance of normalcy for the kids and for your own piece of mind. Hang in there.

paradykes said...

Kelly, i'm so sorry this is happening right now. Please know that we are here for you if you need to talk or a shoulder. My personal email is blmathews0807 at gmail.com

Lorennini said...

Sorry to hear the news. I´ll be praying for you, your kids, and for this new baby that you are helping to come to this world.

Lisa said...

MMMMUUUUUAAAAHHHHH! I'm here for ya.

braejuma said...

Wow....I dont even know what to say! That sucks!!! Being blindsided by it is even worse. Well...ditto to what the others said about having lots of support! Lean on your friends and family and fellow bloggers. I know you will do amazing during this journey.

~ C ~ said...

oh Kelly- what a horrible thing to be blindsided with during the holidays!!! (((hugs))) to you!

That being said, I am a single mother (still finalizing my divorce. been separated for 2 years) to one rambunctious 3 year old, working full time, and carrying twins as a GS. It's not the worst thing in the world, although it would be nice to have someone to help out around the house and with my daughter when I'm plain old exhausted.

I do hope everything works out for you guys. Maybe some counseling to talk through why he feels like he's done. If you didn't see it coming, hopefully it's something that can be worked through.

Jesse said...

Kelly, I'm sorry about this :( That's a complete bummer, especially on being blindsided.

You do have lots of support in bloggerville, please know that. If there is anything I can do here in Wisconsin, let me know. If some good WI cheese would help any, I'm your girl :) Or, if you just need a friendly hi or a person to vent to, I can be that girl too.

Hang in there!! I'm thinking about you!!

Ashley said...

Wow, Kelly. I am soooo sorry =(. I don't know what to say really, but you know you are one strong woman and can conquer so many impossible things. I hope for the best of the situation and everything goes as smoothly as possible; for the surro baby, your kids, and you. Keep your head up.

Kelli said...

I'm so sorry to hear the news. I know firsthand how hard marital issues can be, and on top of a pregnancy doesn't make it easier. Huge hugs to you!

Michael said...

Oh no. I'm so sorry to read this. I hope things go as smoothly as possible during this rocky time. I hope you get all the support you need and know that I'm sending you good vibes through the web. Your blog fans are on your side.

Michelle G. said...

Kelly I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I am another hopeful surrogate who has been following your journeys, learning from you, and being inspired by you and your uterus. ;)
I'll be praying for your family.
Peace...........

Anonymous said...

I can't get your post out of my mind and I wanted to let you know that you and all of your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

My parents are divorced and my Mom was blind-sided as well.

You were very gracious in your post; I really feel for you regarding the selfishness that you had to deal with from your husband.

Hang in there!

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. You are such a strong woman and you will get through this.

A baby for you said...

Oh wow! Sorry you are having to deal with this! I am sure everything will work out for the best but there may be bumps along the way. Good luck to you and your kiddos.

Melanie in Cal. said...

Oh Kelly, I'm so sorry. I don't know if I've ever posted before, but I've been reading since you neared the end of your first twin pregancy, but I couldn't not post now. I have BTDT in my marriage, too. What is with men and the "OMG, I'm not happy...right NOW so I need to drastically change EVERYTHING" syndrome? I can only say that therapy worked miracles here, but I know not every spouse is willing to try it. Best of Luck to you.

Anonymous said...

I really think that all of your surrogate births have something to do with it. You started after Preston was born and for the past 8-9 years, you've been pregnant. I'm sure that your husband misses the old you and would like to have his wife "pregnant free" and trying to populate the gay world single handedly. If I was you, I would sit back and evaluate what YOU'VE done in the marriage and even if Rick said he was for it, was he really or were you just wanting him to be? You've always been pretty self centered. Maybe it's time for you to think of someone other than yourself for a change and try to work things out with your husband. Especially for your kids so that they don't have to go through a divorce. You were a child of divorce, soyou know what it is like. I'm sure that you get more of a "cock in your walk" knowing that you carried NPH's twins and I am quite sure that you benefit quite well from it. But is it worth the sacrifice of your marriage? Seems to me that Rick has been more than patient. You said that you always wanted to be a surrogate yet in talking with people who knew you in your youth, NO ONE remembers you ever saying this! So I think this is just something that you decided to do to help populate the gay community. After all, you turned down the opportunity to carry for a hetero couple, which was completely judgemental and hateful. I think that Karma has finally come and bitten you firmly on your ass!

Kelly & Her Uterus said...

Anonymous- I always love it when people love to share their thoughts on other peoples' lives and don't have the balls to do so with their own names. But I guess this isn't the real point.

As much as you must think you know me you don't.

#1 My Husband had to sign on for every surrogacy and I would have never proceeded if he had ever said No or had any issues with it. He has also developed friendships with my IPs so he sees the big picture too.

#2 My husband decided to leave and not work it out. Not that it's your business but I am not in the habit of dumping 13 years in a heartbeat (regardless of infidelity) and I wanted to work on our relationship. He does not and has even filed for divorce, which was never my hope.

#3 It does not matter who you give birth for . . . I didn't "benefit" more from my last IPs, that would be called extortion.

#4 Yes- I have issues with carrying for straight couples, however, the couple that they wanted to match me with was ready to proceed 2 months after I had given birth, so I was not on their timeline as Rick and I wanted me not Pregnant for a while and it wasn't fair to have them wait.

#5 While I appreciate you trying to dig through my past to find out the exact time I decided to be a surrogate, chances are you aren't going to find too many people back in high school or earlier to divulge my dreams as something as uncommon as this wasn't openly talked about back in the early 90's. I assure you if you called my mother, she would be more than glad to let you know that it is something that I had talked to her about.

I am sorry you think I'm so self-centered, I hope if that is the case you will unfriend me and unfollow me on things . . . I would say that I am child centered, as in, my own. It breaks my heart that they will have divorced parents. I never planned on getting divorced, ever. However, I have learned in the last month that you can not make someone love you and you can't force someone to work on a relationship that they don't want to be in.

I appreciate the comment, as I love to hear what people have to say, however, I just wish you knew more of what you were talking about instead of making assumptions all over the place.

Thanks again for taking the time out to share your thoughts, Anonymous.

Jessamyn said...

Dear Anonymous,
You sound a little bitter and judgmental especially for for someone who doesn't actually know Kelly. You know how I know you don't actually know Kelly? Because you don't even know what her third child's name is or when he was born. You ignorantly think that she is "benefiting quit well" from her last journey, which she is not, it was just another surrogacy. Also, if you knew her at all you would know that she has already explained why she doesn't carry for straight couples and the reasons are about as far away from "hateful" as they can be. How funny that you bring up that Kelly never mentioned wanting to be a surrogate in her youth, what are you the aspiration police? "You never mentioned wanting to be a surrogate before the age of 12?! It must never have actually be a dream of yours!". I am sure the younger you never said: "I want to be an ignorant bigot when I grow up" but you seemed to have attained that status pretty well- bravo, by the way. I can tell you for a fact that being a surrogate is something that Kelly has wanted for many many years, I should know, I'm her sister. You clearly don't actually know Kelly or her family so maybe coming to her blog and blasting her for her failed marriage is perhaps an attempt for attention? Well I am sorry that you obviously have such a low self esteem that you need to talk shit (anonymously) to make yourself feel better about God knows what. Kelly is an amazing women who continually puts others needs in front of her own, especially the needs of her children. She is dedicated to making sure her children come out of this situation as unscathed as possible and to deliver a healthy baby for two wonderful people. She clearly has more grace in her pinky then you do in your whole low life existence. Thanks for your uninformed comments though, they were wildly entertaining. Have a delightful afternoon creep.
Love Jess

Melissa said...

Anonymous..are you the one fucking her husband?

Meredith said...

Can I make anonymous comment directed at Anonymous for sounding like an ass? Oh wait a minute...No I can't, because I am not scared of voicing my opinions and attaching my name to it. How big of her to come on someones blog and make such outrageous comments and hide behind Anonymity...kudos to her. I hope she doesnt have children that she is attempting to raise correctly. One of the first things we teach is honesty. EPIC FAIL!!

Andrea said...

Anonymous...talk about being "judgmental and hateful", take a fucking look in the mirror. Your assumptions are so far from the truth, it's ridiculous and quite comical actually. Thanks for the show. You obviously don't KNOW Kelly. You think you can bring Kelly down with your hateful remarks and assumptions? Nice try, but you have failed. What a lovely life you live trying to bring other people down. I think you lost this one, coward.

Adriana said...

How cowardly! Grow some fucking balls. If you are gonna talk that much shit, then have the guts to back it up with your name and list of its references. Kelly is far to classy to lower herself to your level. If it was me I'd point you to the "Fuck Off" door and show you out

Stacie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stacie said...

Anonymous,
Fuck off, you douche bag. You obviously don't know Kelly, and you obviously don't know Rick or you'd know how very, very happy he was to see those surrogacy compensation checks, and how Kelly handed each and every one over to him for their family's benefit. You also might have a clue as to the birth order of their children if you were to know them. (Hey! How do you like that use of the subjunctive? You might want to learn how that works some day! It's one of the basic rules of English and makes your writing sound so much more intelligent.) I'm sure, also, that your caring words of encouragement will TOTALLY bring Kelly and Rick back together. What a very pathetic way of slamming someone without being willing to stand behind your words. I wouldn't be surprised to find out you are one of those small-minded, rednecked asshats that Gridley is soooo famous for, but with all the creepy, stalker details you cite, even though you get some wrong, seems like you might actually just be a nosey little nobody of the internet. Go do something useful instead of commenting on shit you have no business in even thinking. I haven't told Kelly today how much I love her, so thanks for reminding me.

Shannon said...

Annonymous,

I have known Kelly for 25 years... we met in 7th grade... we graduated together... I was in her wedding... and I threw Ruby's baby shower. So I think it is safe to say I know Kel pretty well. There are so many things I would like to say to you to tell you how very wrong you are about Kelly and her life...but I can't get past the shock. The shock that you could be so mean as to post something like that on her blog. The amount of ignorance you managed to fill in a few sentences. And how while being cruel you just pointed out to everyone how much you know nothing about Kelly ... and how much free time you have on your hands. I pray to god that you are not in a position to influence children. This hatred and ignorance needs to stop with you. Kelly I love you to pieces and will always be here for you....

Andrea Timmons said...

Kelly;

I can't believe the level of hatefulness that some people exhibit! Obviously, they DON'T know you or anything about surrogacy for that matter. I'm so sorry that you and Rick are going through the problems that you are. I don't think that anyone gets married with the thought that they are going to divorce in 10-15 years. I think we all marry forever. Sometimes it doesn't work out. I hope that you and Rick can work out your issues. Don't let the haters get you down, which it doesn't sound like you are. There is always going to be someone out there who is going to be so judgemental and run their mouths on topics that they don't know anything about. We were never close in high school but I admire you for following your "dreams" and doing what your heart tells you to do and several couples have benefited from your generosity and unselfishness. I read your blog because Mark and I have thought about surrogacy (not for me to carry a baby but for someone to carry one for us) because we are unable to have one ourselves. From what I read, this is something that you enjoy and you should take great pride in what you have done. If someone doesn't want to post their name, then that just shows what a hater they really are. Keep that beautiful chin up and know that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel!