Monday, February 15, 2010

What To Expect When You're a Surrogate Mother- The Transfer Edition

My friend Stacie goes in for her Embryo transfer this week and it got me thinking about how, as a surrogate, there really are no books that tell you what to expect. In the book, "What To Expect When You Are Expecting" there is a lot of information about pregnancy and there are lists of what to bring to the delivery, etc. . . . but as a Surrogate, it is a little different. Maybe I should write my own "What to Expect When You're a Surrogate" book. I should approach the authors and see if they want to piggy back with me just so I can use their well known branding. Hold on . . . . I may be onto something here!

I figure, I'll do a few parts of my upcoming book (hell yeah, this will happen) on my blog the next few weeks. It will be out of order since I've got Stacie's transfer on my mind. In my head, right now, this book is writing itself ;)

You can read about the leading up to and including my first transfer back in March of 2008 here. Since now I'm thinking about writing this book- I'll just do a quick summary . . . of course once my book is published :) it will be more detailed! LOL

So your transfer is soon? Time to start getting prepared. Besides the obvious things like childcare and missing work, there are a few other things to think about. You are only days away from putting your legs up in stirrups, so time is of the essence!

* Are your legs hairy? If so, it's time to shave. Yes, I understand it may be February and you haven't worn a skirt or shorts in months, but your legs are going to be right in your doctor's face and Hello! Your IPs that you've tried so hard to impress, will be a mere few feet away and that blanket that hides your "goodies" doesn't extend long enough to cover your legs or feet . . . which brings me to your feet/toes . . .

* You don't have to go out and spend money to get a pedicure but for heaven's sake, make your feet presentable! Again, your Doctor will be right there. You want them concentrating on placing embryos in your uterus not wondering how long it's been since you've given your feet some love. Not to mention, your IPs may start to question your ability to take care of their fetus, if you can't even take care of your own feet . . . at least put on a fresh coat of fingernail polish, if nothing else. If things go well, it will only be a matter of months that you can see your feet and toes and bend down and make them pretty on your own- so do it NOW!

* Speaking of hairy . . . and I'm not talking legs now- make sure you trim the ol' pube zone. Now, your IP's won't see your "lady bits" but for the sake of your doctor, it may be time to wax or at the very least trim and shave. Your partner can even help you with this if need be. Now I'm not saying you have to go all "Playboy Centerfold Bald" but it may help the speculum get where it needs to be if there isn't a jungle for the Fertility Doc to search through. Crass? Yes. Good Advice? Without a Doubt!

* When you're packing for your trip you should bring some things to help keep you busy for the 24-36 hours you'll be on bed rest. Now, it's great if your IPs can spend time with you but they won't be there 24/7 and things can get pretty boring when you just have to lie there for hours and can only get up to eat and go to the bathroom. Do you have a book/books you've been wanting to read? Some magazines you need to finish before you recycle them? I always bring my laptop. That way with the Internet provided by the hotel I can check my email, Facebook, and update my blog. Heck, that many hours of bed rest you can catch up on some TV/movies on HULU or Watch X Online. Stacie mentioned she was going to make a trip to Blockbuster to grab some DVDs. If you're looking for shows that are great (in my opinion) and have several hours try Alias, Big Love,
True Blood and Dexter.

The night before your transfer you should definitely shower or take a bath. It will be at least a day or two until you can shower and it will be more than a week until you can take a bath- so do it now, or you'll be nice and ripe for your trip home. I think it's always a great idea for you to meet up with your IPs before the transfer for dinner the night before or breakfast the day of. It's a great way to get to know them better and if they live far away, it may be one of your only chances to see them in person for awhile. One of my favorite parts about being a Surrogate is the relationship I form with my IPs. It is a special relationship for sure!

* You aren't supposed to walk around too much but if the hotel you're at has a pool/outdoor area, there is nothing from keeping you from doing part of your rest outside. Just bring a book or computer, etc with you and rest in the fresh air. Here's a Surrogate, let's call her Irina, doing part of her bed rest . . . . notice her toes? Exactly! We can't see, but she is a smart Surrogate and I bet her legs are smooth and her pubes are nice and trimmed too ;)
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* Now I may come back to this post and add a few things I've forgotten- Actually, No, Buy the Book! . . . "Oh, I want free advice . . . wah, wah, wah . . . "
But for now, I leave you with the #1 thing to bring with you to your transfer. (Drum roll please)

* A POSITIVE ATTITUDE! People sometimes ask me what the success rate is with IVF. Do you know what I tell them? "I don't know and I don't care." A Surrogate should go into her transfer knowing it's going to take. Knowing that good things are going to happen. Knowing that she and her IPs deserve a stress free journey. Now, does this always happen. No, but I do believe in the old saying, "What The Mind Dwells On, the Body Acts On". Cheesy, I know, but I put positive out there and I hope positive happens. Hell, I even believe in Positive Uterine Talk . . . think Positive Self-talk but envision yourself as your uterus. You and your uterus repeat after my uterus . . . ."I am sticky, I am bringing in the embryo . . . I am holding it . . . I am nourishing it . . ." and so on. It's like my sister said to me, "Your Uterus is like a Magic Fountain, you throw Hopes in there and Dreams Come True!"

So, again, repeat after my uterus . . . "I am a Magic Fountain . . . I am a Magic Fountain . . . I am a Magic Fountain . . . " Keep it up and a few days later you might end up with this
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9 comments:

Heather said...

Kelly,

I love reading your blog! You have such an amazing way with words and such a positive up beat attitude. Thank you!
....on my way to journey #3!

Dragonfly73 said...

This reminds me of the books that Jenny McCarthy has written on parenthood! You definitely got something here - better find yourself a publisher and editor!!!

RebekahRose said...

Great blog!! I have a transfer coming up and you reminded me to go get my toes painted! :D

bumpfairy said...

ha ha, great post!

XAVELI said...

That's just great! Please do write the book! I'll buy a copy! On my transfer bed rest I brought a book "Teach Yourself to Knit" and I actually did. Then through the whole pregnancy I knitted for my surro. twins!

Missy Bowyer said...

I am a surro for Growing Generations too! I have been matched with an international couple and expect our transfer towards the end of May or early June.. I am so excited and really do think you should write a book...This post will really come in handy. Thanks for writing.

Mama K said...

LOVE this!! I will remember to shave my legs & cooch, take a shower, bring my computer and swimsuit! :)

Mormon Surrogate said...

Great post! Have you written the book yet?

Mormon Surrogate said...

Great post! Let me know when you're book is published.