Happy New Year!

Hope you had a great Holiday Season! Just wanted to share with you my End of the Year cards and some photos of all my surrogacy kiddos.

Here's Natasha and Anjali

Here's Gideon and Harper

Here's Baby Alexander

Friends of the Engel Family Fund

My heart still aches for the victims of last weeks tragedy. When something like this happens, sometimes you feel a connection to the events. For me, it is because I'm a mother and more specifically, my youngest, Sawyer is six years old too. As the news spread and days went by, I found myself amazed at how small the world is . . . and how few degrees separate us all.

It has come to my attention that one of my blog followers and friend who also had her own journey trying to become a Gestational Surrogate (with Growing Generations) was not only the best friend (since childhood) of Shannon Engel but "J" was also her daughter's God Mother. On December 14th, 2012, Olivia Rose Engel lost her life in tragic the events at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT.

There is a Facebook page I wanted to share with you, The Friends of the Engel Family Fund

This page is a wonderful place to celebrate Olivia and help her family make it through this devastating time. Whether it is offering comfort or support, you are welcome there. On that page or directly through THIS LINK, you can donate money to a fund they set up to help the family cover Olivia's final expenses, as well as allow the family to take the time to grieve and love each other. They report that, 100% of all donations will go straight to the family to help them in their darkest hour.

I leave you with a description of Olivia from her page.

Olivia Rose Engel was a precocious and completely endearing six-year old. She loved school, and was very good at math and reading. She was creative and loved craft projects and art class, and loved participating in as many sports and activities as she could- from tennis to swimming, ballet to soccer, and Daisy Girl Scouts to musical theater and her church’s CCD program, nothing was off limits for little girl who loved pink and purple and her stuffed lamb. Olivia loved taking a spin on the lake and sound on her dad and grandpa’s Whaler. She was a patient and great big sister to three-year old Brayden, lead Grace each evening at the dinner table, and was a six-year old with a lot to look forward to, according to her dad Brian. Olivia was smart, bubbly, and unbelievably entertaining. Her physical loss will be felt every day by those who loved her most, but her sparkly spirit will live on.

Unimaginable Loss

My heart aches for the the lives lost Sandy Hook School. As much as I'd love to write a blog about various aspects of this tragedy and the publics reaction, I am not sure I can muster up enough energy. So instead, I will just share some of my own Facebook posts from the last few days, starting from the most recent.

Again, these statements come from a mother, a teacher, a free-thinker . . .

"One of the reasons I love Facebook and blogging is that if something were to ever happen to me, my children (and their children) could look back on it and see exactly who I was. My thoughts, my hopes, my dreams, who I loved, what was important to me, my sailor mouth, all of it. And above all else, they would see that I loved them dearly, tried to fix the world before they grew up and wanted to share their beauty and silliness with anyone who would listen/read. I see my Facebook account and all my blogs as a window into my soul and I would want them to have full access. (Which reminds me, Erin, I will need to give you my password so you can change my privacy settings for when the kids get older :)"

"It is difficult to see the faces and stories of the lives lost. I can't imagine the pain that is losing a child. As much as I don't want to sit here bawling at the TV, as a mother I feel the need to look at these precious photos and let their parents know that I saw them. That even though they are now gone, I know they were here, were loved, and existed. “There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.”

"Did you know that the children killed on Friday were from different religions and backgrounds? Jewish, Christian, Catholic, etc. So wondering again, whose God, whose Religion, whose ideas, whose traditions are you talking about bringing to schools? I am assuming your own."

"It is times like these where I feel the need to remind people of the EXTREMELY LOW statistics of free thinkers/atheists in jail. People always want to blame the lack of God for tragedies like this. Not sure if it is because it is too hard for them to ponder "why did my God allow this" or the other alternative they don't want to think about. Sometimes bad people do things to good people. Plain and simple."

"Seeing the images of parents being reunited with their children is just too much. My heart aches for those that lost their babies today. It makes me wonder what their last words were to them. I hope it was how much they loved them. *TEARS*"

"I can't even imagine."

Happy 4th Birthday Natasha & Anjali!!!

Four years ago today, I gave birth to my first set of surrogate twins. I had hoped throughout that journey, that we'd all still be in each others lives as time went on. So far, so good!

The kids and I were able to drive over to visit my girlies and George, Menaka and Logi (Cousin/Grandma) both were at their birth . . . however, Sanj was being a Yoga Hottie in India, so I missed him this visit.

You can find some several pictures of the last five years, including pics from this weekend on my Facebook Album for my Surrogacy Journey #1 Here . . . . it is set to public, so everyone should be able to see it.

Can't wait for the next several years!

A reminder of their birth story can be found here:

Birth Story Part 1

Birth Story Part 2

My Kids visit

And when the Girls Went Home

They are sooooo very smart and beautiful and a joy to be around. George and Sanj have done such a wonderful job raising these two and I know they will continue to be stellar parents.

A Personal Update . . . Happiness!

I have been a horrible blogger the last few months. My focus for the last year was to love on my kids as much as possible, to deliver a healthy baby for my M and S and to find myself . . . all while learning what my new normal looked like.

The first few months were shaky but the last several have been amazing. In June, I moved cities and soon after gave birth. Since then my children started a new school, I was able to teach a class this semester and have found my non-pregnancy groove. I have been able to spend more time with local friends, become closer to some and meet new people too.

I had been blogging about Surrogacy for The Next Family for about two years and since my journey, moved to blogging about Divorce and the new direction my life has taken.

The link to all my Surrogacy blogs at TNF can be found HERE. *at the bottom of page it will say NEXT PAGE, for previous posts too . . .

To receive the link to my other blogs, please message me on Facebook under Kelly Tharp or email me.

After the baby was born, I continued to love on my kiddos and spend as much time with them as possible. I also started to focus on trying to find a Full time job since I lose my Health and Dental Insurance January 1st. I have not had good luck but I am on schedule to have three classes at the college next semester. I won't have insurance and won't make a lot of money but I will be able to teach, make a little something and still take my kids to school, pick them up and help transport them on the days that aren't mine. I am going to try to find other part time opportunities, teaching or otherwise, to try to supplement my income, so wish me luck.

The other thing I have been focusing on is love. Learning to love myself and I also accidentally fell in love with someone. I will talk more about both of these things but for now will just drop the bomb and then come back later to discuss it all . . . when? where? what? how? seriously? all of it. I promise. For now, you just need to know that I am the happiest I have ever been. After December, I decided it was time to be myself, to go for what my heart desires. Life is too short to waste any more years trying to make someone else's definition of love try to work. I am tired of pushing down thoughts, feelings, desires, things that come so naturally but that I was never brave enough to go for.

I first came out to myself, then a few close friends and some family.

When I saw the picture below, I knew I could do it-

Next, I came out to my children, my ex, his family, more friends and family and finally Facebook. I forgot to tell you all and I'm sorry about that. I meant to on National Coming Out Day . . . but then I forgot . . . I seem to forget a lot lately, love does that, you know.

And here are a few pics of my girlfriend Erin and I . . .

Surro-girlies . . . almost 4!

At the end of next month, my surro-girlies turn 4. Yes! FOUR YEARS OLD!!! I can't believe how time has flown by. They are sooo beautiful and so much fun to be around. George, Sanj and I are trying to figure out when/how to get together soon. My life has been a bit crazy and sadly, I haven't been able to see them as much as usual. But after seeing this picture, it lit a fire under me. I MUST visit soon.

You say it's your birthday . . . .

HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Two years ago today, I gave birth to Gideon and Harper. I can't believe it's already been two years- AMAZING.

I do have new pictures but none that I can share (unless you see me in person), when I do- I will post here, I promise! :)

Here's a clip from the Oprah episode they did a few months back-