Repost: Scars Are Cool

I was checking out my c-section scar this morning and it reminded me of this post . . . so I thought I'd share it again.
Repost from January of 2009

All my surgical tape has fallen off (okay, some of it pulled) to reveal a C-section scar about 5.5 inches long. This is one of the things my OB, Dr. Knight will be checking this Tuesday at my 6-week follow up appointment. This got me thinking about scars in general.


The definition of the word Scar:

1. A mark left on the skin after a surface injury or wound has healed.

2. A lingering sign of damage or injury, either mental or physical.

I agree with the first meaning but I'm not quite "on board" for the second (regarding my own experience). When I look at my scar the last thing that comes to my mind is "damage or injury".

I look at My Scar and see a lingering signs of Hope, Joy and Family.

I'm not going to say I don't have any vanity, because I do, but I am a bit bummed that my days of wearing bikinis are over. This has nothing to do with the scar from my surrogacy pregnancy, it has to do with my belly from my own three pregnancies. The last time I wore a bikini was probably the year 2000. The scar is so low that even with a bikini on (when Hell freezes over) no one would see my scar. It's kind of a bummer because it could be a great conversation starter.

The subject of scars even takes me back to the night before our embryo transfer. I was watching The Replacements on TV while trying to "talk myself down" to administer the shots. There's a great line from the movie that comes to mind. The Quarterback is in a huddle trying to say something inspirational to his teammates before a win or lose play of the game. What he comes up with is . . ."Pain heals, Chicks dig scars... Glory lasts forever".

Well, the pain is gone . . . I'll have to get back to you on the other two! ;)

Slideshow of Belly- Journey #2

Since D and N (the Intended Parents from my second journey) lived farther away, I did a much better job of taking belly pics this time around. When I look at this slideshow I really wish I would've done this with my own children and Natasha and Anjali.

As of now the "Wonder Twins Complete Journey" starts at our positive home pregnancy test and ends with me in my hospital gown, going in for my C-section. Enjoy!*

*For those of you that are other surrogates carrying twins, don't let my belly scare you . . . I can get big! :)

Getting Back to Normal Can Take Weeks

First of all- I know Two Babies that are a month old today! Time fly's when you're having fun . . . or aren't raising babies you just birthed!

I can't believe it's already been one month since Gideon and Harper were born. I have a feeling my last 4 weeks have been completely different from N and D's . . . just as it was different than George and Sanj's first month.

I have been losing weight and they have been losing sleep. I have been trying to get my life "back to normal" and their "normal" has changed forever.


For me, it's been a hard getting things "back to normal" this time around. Being on bed rest for several weeks was great because the babies stayed in for almost 38 weeks and helped my swelling come down but boy did it SUCK! It's almost impossible to take care of 3 kids and a business while on bed rest. Thankfully, my mom came up again (like last time) for a few weeks to help out. I was able to drive to doctors appointments, so Tuesdays and Fridays were a dream. I would actually do my hair and make-up because I had someplace to go . . . well, usually I would. I guess the one day STAR Magazine decided to take a picture of me (for an article that came out in an early November issue) I had neither my hair nor my make-up done. Luckily, the article was very nice but the picture, well, I guess it could've been worse . . . I could've been bending over or picking my nose. I even had several customers tell me they couldn't believe that was a picture of me, because "I'm so pretty in person" . . . LOL . . . yeah, usually I'm photogenic too, but what are you gonna do?! But I digress . . .

Once I got home from the hospital, I wanted things to go back to normal (after weeks of doing nothing) but recovering from surgery doesn't quite make that an option. So for the last few weeks, I've been taking it easy, trying not to re-open my "baby wound" and longing for the day I can lift heavy things at work and re-join the Gym. I have a 2-4 more weeks until that can happen, but I know it's coming and that makes me happy.

I also rejoined Facebook, for sanity's sake. I thought it best to dump my Facebook back in August, after the news of my IPs expecting leaked. It was hard enough not telling anyone about who my Intended Parents were, but with all the coincidences piling up (surrogacy, twins, October due date, Disneyland trip) . . . it became impossible. Friends would ask, "Are you their Surrogate" or "I think I know who your IP's are . . . am I right?" I would just email/text/say back, "How cool would that be?" It has been great to get back on and interact with everyone. I really missed seeing what all my friends were up to.

Lastly, I am going to do a post about "The Blues" that a lot of Surrogates, including myself, go through after the birth . . . so there will be a bit more of "getting back to normal" in that post too. But for now, I have to sign off . . . have normal mom stuff to do- laundry, Doctor's appointments and Dinner to think about. I guess my NORMAL, for the most part, has returned.

Email Time Capsule Arrived!

What a difference 5 years makes!

Well, this morning I checked my email and the usual stuff was there . . . spam from Old Navy, emails from my former IPs, Facebook notifications and business stuff. Nestled in there was an email from Forbes entitled 2005. It was an email I wrote to myself from 2005. I love stuff like this. It's the same reason I'm one of those lame mom's who writes the full page letter that accompanies the Holiday Card. I love to look back and remind myself where I was, where I thought I was going, etc.

Thought I'd share it with you (in bold) and my comments about it (not bolded).

Greetings from your past. In the fall of 2005, you agreed to receive this message, which has been preserved in the Forbes.com E-Mail Time Capsule. For more details, visit the links below.
Here is the text of your message:

You are living in a one bedroom apt while you wait for your house in Gridley to be finished (next week). We look back on this time as the "dark weeks" . . . we had to move out of our first house 6 weeks before our current house was finished. We chose to rent a furnished apartment and thought, "how bad could it be?" Glass 1/2 empty- we went from 2500 sf to a little over 800 for 6 weeks . . . 1 bed, 1 bathroom, fold out couch and no cable. I missed the entire last season of Alias! Glass 1/2 full- went from 800sf to 3440sf . . . it was like moving from our living room to a palace! LOL CLICK HERE FOR PICTURE

Ruby is 4 and Preston is 2 1/2 and you just turned 31. CLICK HERE FOR PICTURE Oh, sweet memories . . . when Ruby didn't have an attitude and Preston was loving wearing his new "big boy underpants" . . . and I was so young, 31 sounds way better than 36!

Ricky and you just celebrated your 5 year wedding anniversary. The second 5 years went just as quickly as the first five!

Kids- debating about having another . . . . want one but sometimes think about how much easier it would be with 2. Obviously, we decided to go ahead and go for the #3 baby. Actually, this is around the time I applied to be a Surrogate. Then when Growing Generations called me about it, Ricky and I decided to finish our own family before we proceeded with the Surrogacy. So we put my online application on hold and got busy . . . less than a year later Sawyer was born. *Actually, according to this, I've birthed 5 babies in 5 years! Now of course, that includes 2 sets of twins, so it's more like 3 births in 5 years . . . .but it sounds much cooler the first way!

Jobs- working PT at American River College but just applied for FT at Chico State in the EOP program Still working Part Time at ARC but never even got an interview for the Chico State job . . . their loss! I can't feel too bad, I've actually gotten every job I've ever interviewed for . . . well, except for APPLE, which went on a hiring freeze (10 years ago) after my second phone interview for a Curriculum Developer postition. Man, I still think how different my life would have been if that freeze never happened and I had 10 years worth of Apple Stock. But things happen for a reason . . . maybe I wouldn't have had the time to be a Surrogate? Things worked out exactly as they should've, I know that much!

5'4" and about 1XX-1XXlbs depending Yes- I blocked it out . . . no one knows my weight!!! I'm still the same height and about 3-5 pounds heavier . . . not too bad for birthing 5 kids in 5 years! LOL


I'm glad I did this. Just wish I did the 10 year option too . . . maybe I did! Maybe in 2015 I'll get another one. I totally forgot I had done this but now that I think about it, I think I did do another one with encouraging words. Guess I'll have to wait and see!

Does My Uterus Need a Life Alert?

So today is my birthday. Usually, I could care less about being another year older but this year, for some reason, I'm feeling old. Actually, it's my uterus that is getting old. I've heard that 36 is the new 26 . . . . well, unless you're a Surrogate, then you might as well be 80!

Here's the thing . . . at 36 is when the insurance Growing Generations uses for Surrogacy goes up. Now, they aren't calling you old, they're just saying your uterus has seen better days, years, in fact. You can still be a Surrogate, it's just that your IPs will have to pay a little bit more to insure your old, worn uterus.

I'm not saying that I would for sure be a Surrogate for the third time but it's nice to know it's an option and I guess it is, as long as I don't waste time deciding. In my mind, if either set of my IPs asked for me to carry for them again, I would say YES. I have developed a wonderful relationship with both couples and think it would be cool to help provide another child for them. However, I know George and Sanj's family was complete with Natasha and Anjali and my other IPs have 3 week old twins . . . so I'm going to guess they aren't thinking of extending their family just yet. (Even though, as crazy as it seems, it would be something you'd need to start thinking about because the Surrogacy process is far from lightening fast).

Most of my friends and family have already asked me (even before I delivered) if this was the last time. I'd just tell them, I don't know, but it probably is. I think I'm in denial that my Surrogacy days are probably over, if I don't say I'm 100% not ever going to do this again, I don't have to think how sad that would be. Kind of like after giving birth to Sawyer, my youngest, I knew he was it for us but I didn't want to say it aloud, or that would make it true.

So for now, I'm not going to say never . . . but that it's pretty unlikely. I have dreams of a tummy tuck and it would be great not to be pregnant at my 20th High School reunion. Not to mention my uterus may go from "beautiful" to "she looks good for her age" . . . which I suppose is a lot better than "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Ricky Martin on Oprah Winfrey

Oprah isn't one of the shows I normally watch (I'm an Ellen girl) but since Ricky Martin was on today and he is a gay male who used a Surrogate to have his twins, I had to DVR it . . . . that's right up my alley! :)

It was great to watch him be so at ease with himself after denying who he was for so long. I swear I teared up several times during the hour long program.

Now onto the Surrogacy part. He stated that he used a Surrogate and it was similar to a Private Adoption and implied that the surrogate didn't know who he was, that she just wanted to carry the babies and get on with her life and that a lot of Surrogates preferred it like this.

Hmmmmmm . . . I guess that type of Surrogate exists but I have yet to meet (online or in person) a Surrogate who didn't want to form some sort of friendship with the Intended Parents. This sounds a lot like the "Womb for Rent" views that drive me nuts. I can't imagine carrying babies for someone and never meet them, not share the months that their babies are growing, and not seeing their faces the very moment their children are born. I understand he's famous but it can be done.

Sure, certain parts may leak, but it is doable . . . it is possible to meet and form a friendship over the journey. Have them there for the embryo transfer, various ultrasounds and appointments, spend time with the surrogate and her family, etc. Surrogacy can already seem surreal for IPs . . . meet your surrogate, possibly see them a few times (if you don't live too far away) and then, BAM- you have babies. This must have been super Surreal for Ricky . . . interview your Surrogate on the phone and then get your twins months later. Who knows, maybe they talked on the phone or emailed or had a secret blog . . . something to share the information about the pregnancy. Or maybe I'm letting my personal feelings about Surrogate/IP relations get in the way and this woman really was perfectly fine carrying babies for a man she met over the phone . . . who just happened to be Ricky Martin. Stranger things have happened.

Happy Halloween!

Thought I'd share a few pics from Halloween 2010. Can't share any pictures of Gideon and Harper yet, but I was excited to receive an email with their first Halloween photo shoot- very cute and ghoulish :) They are almost 3 weeks old already!

Here's Natasha, Anjali, George and Sanj . . . very adorable Siberian Tigers & Dads!


Here's one of Anjali with her Appah


and here's Natasha, stalking :)


And here's one of my own children


Hope everyone had a great Halloween, whether it was their first, second or 10th! :)