Monday, November 22, 2021

It's been a while . . . grief, writer's block, etc. . .

Hey all, it's been about 6 years since I posted on here, and a lot has happened. Honestly, I couldn't bring myself to write on Sawyer's Caring Bridge page after he died, or anywhere else, for that fact. Writing used to be my passion, and pretty much all the things that brought me joy, just kind of ended after my youngest son Sawyer died 2/19/16 from cancer. I was able to share tidbits here are there on Sawyer's Facebook Community page and my own FB profile and family Instagram in the last few years, but I was stuck in a fog . . .  but I think I'm finally ready to share some things again . . .  on this page, the continued process of being a retired surrogate.

I am coming up on my 9th year of working with the agency I used for my own 3 (almost 4) surrogacy journeys, Growing Generations and finally put my own health towards the top of my TO DO list. While I'd like to go on a bit, I'm going to leave this for another post . . . mainly because I'm on medications from that tummy tuck I chatted about 10 years ago- I'm currently 5 days post surgery, so still a little loopy at the moment. So for now I'll quickly summarize:

*Natasha and Anjali turn 13 in a few days- YES, THIRTEEN!!!

*Gideon and Harper just celebrated 11 years in last month.

*Alexander is 9 now, and has a little sister. Sawyer got diagnosed with cancer right after our medical screening appointment for that sibling journey, and I'm friends with the surrogate who carried her!

**I still have some form of contact with all three families I helped create, be it texts, calls, Skype, Facebook, Instagram, Marco Polo, etc.

*I am still married to the love of my life, Erin.

*My oldest Ruby, who was in first grade when I started my journey as a surrogate is half-way through her 3rd year a Chico State, to become an elementary school teacher (and yes, still wants to be a surrogate some day).

*Preston, my middle child (who was in preschool when I started my surrogacy) graduated high school in 2021 and was hired full time at the place he did his Engineering Internship- and he LOVES it so much, that I'm assuming it's going to be more than a "gap year".

*My step-son Charlie is in his third year of high school.

*My sweet Sawyer Orion, who had just turned 2 when my first set of surro-girlies were born, was diagnosed with Burkitt's Lymphoma at the age of 8 and battled cancer for 10 months before he died at 9. While he left this Earth in 2016, I still feel him everywhere. He sends us signs all the time!

While I will be a bereaved mother forever, struggling with child loss, in 2019 I finally made a conscious effort to start dealing with my physical health, and since, have lost about 85 pounds. In my next few blog posts I will share about my decision to undergo gastric sleeve surgery in July of 2019 and have the abdominoplasty (aka "Tummy Tuck") on November 17th 2021(that I had talked about for years). You can follow my fitness/retired surrogate IG HERE.


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